TAPESTRY OF LIFE

I have never done a blog before but my good friend KaLynn started one and since she seems to be enjoying it so much, and since I love to write, I figured I would try my hand at it too.

Writing has become very cathartic for me during this journey from happily married to where I stand today. "Where do you stand today?", you might ask me. That's a very good question. The best, most accurate answer I can give is that I am standing in the middle of a path that is taking me somewhere I have never been before. I don't know where that will be, if it will be a place of joy or sorrow, peace or anguish, health or illness. I've learned many things from my "late" marriage (may it rest in peace) but the most valuable, I believe, is to have no expectations for where my life is going. I try to live every day in the moment without expectations that any one "event" will take me in any particular direction. I have hopes for my tomorrows and I work pro-actively toward a positive future for myself but I understand that life has a way of washing out the path before us, leading us in a direction that we never expected and sometimes never wanted. I used to try to force my life to go into the direction I wanted it to go. Now I try to embrace whatever comes my way; even the fearful things, the hurtful things, the scary things because every person and every experience, coupled with my attitude, has shaped me into the person I am today.

I'm an unfinished tapestry, woven of many different colored experiences. How those colors have changed; from the bright pastels of childhood, to the vibrant primary colors of adolescence and young adulthood, more pastels blended in with the birth and raising of my children, mingled with the greys, browns, and dark yellows of illness, then the blackness of a hole opening up under me when the life I've worked for and expected is suddenly shattered into a million pieces like a jar of spicy salsa dashed against a wall of rock. There's the white of an empty slate when the pain was so great that I felt my very self had been erased and nothing but a shell was left. The colors are coming back now. It's an interesting tapestry and it's been an interesting journey. What does your tapestry of life look like?